I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
