Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
