Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize