hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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