I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
