when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
