Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
