So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
