what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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