He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
