I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
