Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
