For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
