Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
