The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
