Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
