bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize