so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
