You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
