If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
