it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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