new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
