I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
