I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
