at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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