She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
