Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
