zippers are such a cool invention
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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