Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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