Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
