I must be too annoying 4 u.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
