Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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