I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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