either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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