oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
