I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
