The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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