one might say we're banned from that church
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
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That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
the raccoons are back...
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