Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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