currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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