Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
