I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
