We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
