4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
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