whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
