doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
