I got chris browned last night
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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