i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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