I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
