Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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