I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
