I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
