Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
