woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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