his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
