i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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