dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
