goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
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I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
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Two words: blizzard sex
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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