Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hippo gnu deer
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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