I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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