I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
