hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
