i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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