I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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