apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
