I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
