Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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