1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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