i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
